I am aware that I sound quite vindicative and angry on this blog. Rest assured that I am; however, I do want to add the disclaimer that my annoyance is probably enhanced by the fact that this blog is about the one place where I'm allowed to express my frustration about intersexism, even and especially in queer spaces.

As I mentioned before, I am both transgender and intersex. Which is rad and based for many reasons, but an unfortunate side-effect is that I am acutely aware of the fact that I am allowed to say things in queer spaces as a trans person that I am not as an intersex person.

Let me elaborate: when I, or my trans brethen, say shit like "god I hate cis people anytime someone misgender me I want to kill them with a rock," it is generally understood that we don't actually want to kill all cis people. We're just frustrated and angry that at large, cis people are way more likely to hit us with this kind of shit than anything else. When someone says "stop implying that all lesbians have vaginas," it's generally agreed that anyone who replies with "MH ACTUALLY yes all lesbians have vaginas if you don't have a pussy you don't count" is a transphobic asshole who should be shut down. I have a right to anger as a trans person.

I don't have that right as an intersex person. If I say something like "god perisex people are so annoying for asking me constantly if I'm on HRT" or god forbid! That I bring up the intersexism in the queer community, such as "hey stop saying no kid is ever forced on HRT, that's untrue it happens to intersex people all the time," then I know the response will be "uhm but people don't know intersex people exist! Can't you be nicer to people who just happen to be ignorant? And really, it's transphobic to call out the intersexism in trans spaces, calling someone perisex is akin to misgendering them, don't you think?" (Yes, I did seriously see at least two people say that using a word that literally means "not intersex" is transphobic. Dunno what the logic is behind that one I'll admit.) As an intersex person, I have to always be polite, and calm, and explain things in the most family-friendly way possible (and if my trauma isn't family friendly, then it has to be kept under wrap, wouldn't want anyone to be shocked by it after all!). That's all I'm allowed to be. And really, if someone tells you politely "hey if it's no trouble could you maybe think about us," I can hardly blame you for thinking it's a tiny favor with little to no urgency, as opposed to "people are doing nonconsentual surgeries on intersex infants we need to fight against it NOW you need to aknowledge our existence NOW."

Sigh. It's just incredibly frustrating to bottle everything up constantly. And because I am acutely aware of how differently I'm treated if I present myself as "a trans person" or "an intersex person," it's hard not to feel betrayed by my own community. Trans folks, of all people, should know what it's like to be constantly told to "be kind to people who are just ignorant" while being swept under the rug. You guys should know better